{The Man of My Dreams}

Hey, Blogville! 

I cannot wait to get this post up. 

FYI, it's a revelation for me. 

Let me preface this with, as a young adult, I'm soul searching. I'm trying to find my place and who I am as a person. I've had countless convos with my Best about being the minority in our group of friends. 

{single. educated. driven. childless.} 

We basically concluded that it's not in the books for us to be married right now so we are making the most of our time as single adults. 

{Focusing on our careers, 

Focusing on our families, 

Focusing on our place in society...}

When I am exhausted, I have strange, strange dreams. And this past week was a beating. Whew. {glad it's over} 

So, factor in: 

exhaustion+1868 friends getting married/announcing that they are preggo=crazy vivid dreams. 

The hilarity. 

"The Man of My Dreams". 

We've all heard it before. But, who really has dreamt about the man they want to marry? 

I never have. And I'm a hopeless romantic who loves a good romcom. 

{Pretty in Pink, anyone?!}

Until last night. 

Y'all. I literally woke up so sick and so sad that this wasn't real. Never in my life have I had such emotions about a DREAM. It was perfection. I told Lauren, I wish I could send you my brain so that you could swoon about my dream too! 

It was my wedding day. And I'm assuming that I've never met this man because I don't recognize him. I do know his name, though. And he was gorgeous. 

Cole. {it was so vivid, y'all!}

And for whatever reason, I didn't have any bridesmaids. I was alone, in a back room, in my white dress. My makeup was flawless. My curls were perfect. I loved my dress. I felt so pretty. I was waiting until it was time to walk out. My soon-to-be husband formed a choir to sing for me that was made up of our friends. I remember hearing them sing a Jon McLaughlin song before I came out. Right before it was time for me to walk out, my Best appears behind me. She takes me behind the choir and we sit and talk about how this is really happening and how crazy life is. I felt so happy and content in this moment. It was then time for me to walk to my groom. I walk out of the side and everyone is looking in my direction. I am walking alone, feeling so much love as I walk through the choir of friends. My soon-to-be husband meets me halfway down the aisle and we walk to the alter together from there. 

I felt precious, loved, content, happy....

Nothing I have experienced comes close to how I woke up feeling. I have to hope and pray that this is what it's going to feel like when I am blessed with a man. 

It was beautiful. I cannot put into words how I felt. Just, so beautiful. 

I sure do hope dreams are somehow correlated into reality. Because, I want that dream to be my reality. 

Swoon. 

Off to dream again...

Caitlyn 

Grace.

So, I caved. 

And, oh did I cave in a grand way.  

I purchased the One Direction: Midnight Memories (deluxe) album. And alllllllll 18 tracks are just THE BEST. 

{I just need to preface this blog with that revelation.}

I'm pretty much not caring about the judgment I just ensued on myself. 

Not. Caring. 

Life for me has been absolutely crazy busy. 

Work has taken over 98% of my life and the other 2% I spend practicing for my upcoming return to the stage. Less than 2 weeks until show-time... {hurry up!} 

{Back in December, I auditioned for Arsenic and Old Lace and was casted as Aunt Abby. This is a role I played my sophomore year at ICC. Fun stuff.}

So, Grace. 

Grace

grās/

noun

1. 1.

   simple elegance or refinement of movement.

   "she moved through the water with effortless grace"
2. 2.

   (in Christian belief) the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.
4. 
   

I am thankful for grace in ways that I cannot begin to describe. 

God's Grace

A mother's grace

Graceful words

State of grace 

Good Grace's (being in someone's) 

Falling from grace

Saving grace

Goodness gracious. 

Story.

Have you ever wanted something so terribly bad that everything you did revolved around making sure it happened? 

Like, you ache because you desire something so, so badly? 

Recently, this overwhelming feeling of 

          I'VE GOTTA HAVE IT 

came over me and when I say it was all I could think about, it was ALL I could think about. My days and nights consisted of studying and soaking up every single bit of knowledge I could get. 

It was literally all I could talk about for that week. 

And then, the time came for me to prove my love and passion and knowledge....

And do you know what happened? 

Rejected. 

I tried to be gracious. And I tried to tell myself other things will come along. 

But y'all, this opportunity was the only thing I wanted. The absolutely only thing. 

After I settled down, I started thinking about how I got here. What in my life lead me to be this person? 

Goal oriented, work oriented, 

attention-to-detail driven person who constantly is thinking about "what's next".

Not too long ago, I was just a college student who wasn't sure of her next step in life and if banking was the right choice.

So, what can I accredit in my life for these revelations? 

Or, more so, who? 

I 100% believe that each person whom I've had a connection with has made a positive impact on my life. I could name so many people who helped shape my opinions and views and my everything! Whether negative or positive, your presence in my life has benefited me. These people make me who I am today. 

But, I started realizing, I have not been that person to others. I am not a bright, shining star in certain peoples lives. 

I wish that I could be more than a cringe or a "thank goodness it's over" but, you know, your choice. 

But, those people taught me the most. You know who you are. 

We are called to be Christ-like and I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always a mirror image of Christ. Giving GRACE and showing GRACE... Working on it. 

But, goodness. 

I am so thankful for Grace. 

Caitlyn